A-Holes

      Certain people attract certain types of people. You know, that friend you have that tells you on a regular basis about the guy in front of them in line that proceeded to tell all about his colonoscopy. I wish I was that person. Instead, I have the uncanny ability to locate and attract a-holes. Really, I have had more than my fair share of scarring experiences. In my life, I have only ever had 2 bosses that have not made me cry. Either I am a terrible employee, or they were pretty much horrible. This got me to thinking about the year I spent working at a wing joint near Cleveland. I worked for a female Skeletor. I am going to tell you all about her.

      Ok, so I started working. Everything there was awesome. The people were nice, the money was good, and the food was fried. What more could you ask for? People started to warn me about the GM. She had interviewed me in the first place, and she told me I was pretty so I was like hmmmmm. I think she's nice. Then, I started watching as Skeletor would "go off the clock" and sit at the bar and drink a bottle of Pinot Grigio. After she would finish, she would get up and start coming around to the servers telling us either extremely inappropriate things (and for me, there isn't much I deem inappropriate) about her personal life, or yelling at us for not cleaning something properly. I am not exaggerating when I say that I was actually at a table, taking and order, and she came over to tell me that I needed to clean ash trays. Really? That couldn't wait?

      Time marched on, and one of my best friends that I met there, and I would pass the time any way we could. If you have never served, you don't realize just how BORING a serving job can be at times. Typically, you go out to eat when everyone else does. You don't think about the times when those servers sit lonely, in a booth, waiting for nice people to come in.

      I was a server in a bar. For some reason, this joint thought it was a good idea to put kid friendly things in the store. There was a bouncy ball machine, and big claw machine, and tons of other kid stuff. Whatever. I hated when kids came in, except for when....they would leave things behind. Magical things. Things that could turn a $35 shift into a bit of magic. My friend and I would make a game of finding the most awesome things left behind and giving them to each other. She still has a domino with the remnants of a hippo on it that we passed back and forth. Awesome.

      A kid left behind Dora the Explorer memory cards. My friend and I had 3 tables between us, and decided to sit down on a Sunday afternoon for a rousing game. Skeletor woke from her drunken slumber, because she SLEPT AT THE STORE. She came walking out to the dining room. My friend had gotten up to check her table, mine was just sitting and had already cashed out. She saw me with the memory cards. She proceeded to rip me a new one like I have never thought possible. I had seen her do it to other people (including minors) and I guess it was my turn. I felt my face turn red. I felt like I was back in Mrs. W's 4th grade class. Then, I felt it. The tears....the choking feeling. Terrible.

      Skeletor, used to get drunk and hang out with us. She would wait for us to close up and then chorale us over to a local bar for more fun. Sometimes, she would get sick of waiting. In fact, there was once a girl sitting at the bar that asked what time it was, and Skeletor looked over with her uniform still on, and said "Time for you to leave!" Then, she started putting up stools and acting like we were closing. The problem with Skeletor, was that there would be a good 2-3 months where she was awesome. She would be soooo nice. It was an abusive boss relationship.

      I got my revenge. I forgot how big of a set of balls I really have. She was sleeping with the owner of the place, but it was a franchise. Did you know that they have a place you can go online as a customer, and write comments and suggestions? I wrote to corporate. Yea, it was awesome. About a week or two later, there was a mandatory staff meeting that somehow, I had the day off for. I didn't have to go. Crazy right? She knew it was me, and I didn't care. People would quit there on a regular basis because they couldn't handle her anymore. She had  3 faithful employees, 1 had special needs and would have liked Satan himself, the other 2 had drug addictions. I quit working there shortly thereafter. She was fired about a year later. I would like to think that I got that ball rolling.

      I was eating a cheeseburger in my mom's car when I was 10. We were sitting at a light when a guy drove up beside us. The windows were down, and the guy proceeded to say, "You are a fucking bitch you little shit head!" To me. Eating a cheeseburger. It was just a sign of things to come.

      I wish people would just tell me about their colonoscopies instead.