Dis! Enrolled

      Tricare.  Pretty sure they are going to piss me off enough to need some form of counseling. They will then, promptly tell me I have to pay for it myself, because they have no idea who I am.

      If there is ever a time in your life you don't want to read the words from your health insurance company, "you have been disenrolled," it's the time when you are pregnant. Thoughts of me squatting in a ditch, or in the back of a taxi cab (because those cabbies seem to have it happen enough in movies they could surely deliver mine) float through my mind. Why on Earth was I disenrolled? Well, why don't you call Tricare and ask. I spent and hour on my cell phone (putting me over on my minutes so unless you have Verizon and txt me that in advance, you are not worth the $.45 a minute to talk to)

      Usually conversations with Tricare are about 3 minutes long, because their customer service team stops working after 3 minutes. I call in, and I get someone on the other end.
Tricare: Tricare enrollment.
Me: Hello, I received a letter today that says I have been disenrolled from Tricare. I never authorized this. It is unacceptable.
Tricare rep: LONG SIGH. Let me look into it.
10 minutes roll by.....
20 minutes roll by....
I can hear cash registers making the cha-ching noise in my head as my cell phone bill skyrockets.
Tricare Rep: We disenrolled you because you are living in England.
Me: No. I am not. My address has always been in North Carolina. I came in to change my address from one Carolina address to another. That's why I am
Tricare Rep: HOLD ON.
(internal monologue: did that bitch just cut me off?!)
This turns into 60 minutes of holding and her coming back for 2 seconds to tell me they fixed it but I still have to been seen off base because there isn't room for me on base. I then said no. She said, "Well, I guess you are going to have to find a way to be ok with it."

EXCUSE ME?!?

So....now I want to place a complaint. I am sick of this crap. To place a complaint I have to HAND WRITE a letter and send it snail mail. Wait, what? 1982 strikes again. I couldn't place a complaint over the phone, and I couldn't do it online.
This is what their website says:

How do I file a grievance?Mail written notice of your grievance to the appropriate grievance address (see below) and be sure to include the following:

• Your name, address and telephone number
• Your Sponsor's Social Security number
• Your date of birth
• Your signature
• A description of the issue or concern that must include:
  • Date and time of the event
  • Name of the provider(s) and/or person(s) involved
  • Location of the event (address) 
  • The nature of the concern or complaint
  • Details describing the event or issue
  • Any appropriate supporting documents  

Because their system is so archaic, I have decided to take them seriously with their request of having me hand write my complaint. I am using crayon. No, seriously, I am using crayon. Red crayon to show my anger and rage at a health care company that apparently has a problem with pregnant women. Then, I started to look around the house for my crayons. I don't get too many opportunities to use them. I can't find them! All I can find is a light blue sharpie, and a light blue colored pencil. Then, I needed printer paper to write the letter. I can't find any. All I could find was notebook paper. At this point, I am just going with it. Here's what I have so far:

      I know I have an art degree. I don't do cartoons. Plus, it's sharpie on notebook paper, and I have to make dinner tonight. I am going to focus on the rest of my Tricare letter now. The idea of national health care in this country scares me, if they plan on using the military's system as a guide. It's like consulting with JFK on the best way not to get shot.

More in a day or two.