You may be wondering why I haven't mentioned more about T-Money lately. The reason for that would be that Tri Care hates me. To them, I am some chick that got knocked up at a truck stop. They don't know it was actually a Taco Bell bathroom. I am way too classy for truck stop romps. So, Tri Care has been playing this stupid game with me. Our conversation went a little like this.
TriCare: Mrs. S?
Me: Yes?
TriCare: You gots your blood test done at Womack?
Me: Yes I did. It verified the pregnancy.
AntiChrist: Mrs. S?
Me: Yes?!?
AntiChrist: I can't help you.
Me: What do you mean you can't help me? I have insurance thru you.
AntiChrist: Well you do, but when your husband went to England, you went to a doctor off base.
Me: No I didn't. I was living in England with him.
AntiChrist: Well you have to go to your doctor off base.
Me: My husband is back stateside for good.
AntiChrist: You still have to go to the off base doctor.
Me: I can see this is conversation is going nowhere. Can you tell me the name of my Doctor?
AntiChrist: You don't have it? You have been to see her.
Me: NO I HAVE NOT.
This is when I hung up. I called back and spoke to someone else. I got the lady doctors name. We went. Long story short, TRI CARE PUT ME BACK ON BASE FOR MATERNITY CARE. So, we wasted a good 5 weeks of my first trimester, using the most pointless system I have ever encountered. Maybe, if I break a finger, tri care will send me to a proctologist that will refer me back to base. If I do happen to break a finger I hope it's a middle one.
So, with all that said, I finally have an appointment on Thursday to give the OBGYN nurse our personal information. I start my second trimester on Friday. I will have gone the whole first Trimester without so much as a here's some prenatal vitamins. (no worries people, my amazingly awesome sister is like the Wonder Woman of pharmacists and she has been helping to keep my stuff healthy) I worry about T-Money. I worry that there are other hidden dangers other than lunchmeat and fish.
I did see an ultrasound so I know T is in there. Trust me. I know. I have all sorts of new pregnancy symptoms. Trust me. Here's a little tmi. I decided when I started this, I was gunna be for realz. With a z. There are things that no one prepped me for. People said "oh you will crave sex all the time!" MYTH
What is true is that my lady bits feel as though I have ALREADY had sex. Like, way too much of it. I am officially a D cup. I kinda like that bit. I call them my buzungaz. I don't poop for days. I keep hearing that after I give birth things are worse. Like I will start peeing myself. Thanks everyone. Thanks a lot. This would have been much better brought to my attention 12 weeks ago. Now, I am going to be the lady in the leather pants, that pees herself, while cradling her newborn baby. Truth is I am already showing. I am worried I am going to have a football linebacker pop out with Chad's full grown head already attached. If so, I already told a friend or two, and now I will fill you in as well. At that point, if all that I just mentioned happens. I will then start carrying around my vagina in a Macy's bag. A paper one of course, because it's way more classy. If you can't tell, I am starting to get scared. Of it all. Of being in labor for 12 hours when I can't even run a mile. When I do 15 squats and say eff it. How am I going to push a human out for 12 hours? For now, I will focus on some reruns of the Golden Girls. They got thru it. So will I.
Oh my Double D Boobsweat-
ReplyDeleteI love you.
I miss you.
I have a few weeks between my graduation and state boards to where I can take time and come visit you for a few days.
Bee Tee Dub--I'm making T-Money a gift to hang in his/her bedroom. You will love it.
I will come be your doctor and deliever da baby maself. Yup. Because I love you that much, and I know I can, for we have shared many a conversations about sex and poop around your dinner table. And, I feel like it would be much better than TriCare, not to mention my sister was a paramedic for over 15 years and is now a nurse, as is her hubby. Then can come too to help if you want.
Don't be too scared. I know I will be when the day comes for me, but you will just fine. Hopefully you won't be in labor that long. But just think, once your little bundle of joy is finally out, you and ChaCha will look down and it will all be worth it. <3
PS. This sucks, I miss you. :(
The anticipation of what it will be like and the pregnancy symptoms are way worse than the actual birth. Seriously, you aren't actually IN LABOR that long. And, dude, that is what drugs are for.
ReplyDeleteI second the drugs :)...Im gonna tell you Im scared of giving birth to this one and it will be my fourth. You can do it..I try not to think about it.....
ReplyDeleteAnother tid bit..With my first i was never told you bleed for ever afterwards.. I freaked, when I got up from having her to finally use the bathroom there was so much blood I though someone had died. I thought when baby left so did the blood :)..Thats what you get for having a baby at 19 :)