These Are the People In My Neighborhood

     That last post had to happen. There was no way I could let this go on any further without at least touching on that subject. It leads to my next problem. Being graced with social misfits for parents, I had to learn how to interact with people completely on my own. There was no social guide, or "tips" being given. I made a lot of mistakes trying to get people to like me along the way. When I was in the sixth grade, I was at a cool kid party, and in the middle of our scavenger hunt I told everyone I was a witch. I guess there was a lull in convo and it seemed like a natural topic. Needless to say, it didn't make me any friends and I spent the rest of the year at a lunch table by myself with a pocket knife stuffed in my training bra. Why? I have no idea. None at all. That was the same year I should have won the 6th Grade Lip Sync with my rousing rendition of "Free Your Mind." I digress.

      Now, we are back in Fayetteville. No matter how you fancy it up, or give it a kitsch southern name, it's still a terd with a little glitter on it. I can hear BOMBS going off at 3 AM and helicopters hovering 15 ft about our roof at any given time. Regardless of that fact, we have 2 friends here, one of which is in Afghanistan at the moment. We must make friends. Chad's job doesn't really lend itself to making friends. He sort of works alone and people from other places come to him for things they need. So, it would be a bit weird if he was like, "Here's your crap, you wanna have dinner with me and my wife tonight?" So, then I think of our new neighbors. On one side there is a young couple around our age with 2 young children. Sounds perfect right? They haven't even made eye contact with us. We wave and smile and you would think we were actually throwing up gang signs and grabbing our crotches from the way they react. Our other neighbor deserves his own paragraph.

      We haven't met our other neighbor either. I am going to give him a name that is fitting, Bobby Blue will be his name from now on. Bobby, who goes by B for short because that's the only letter he learned to make in the 3rd grade when he dropped out, has a girlfriend from Georgia that parks on the road every weekend. I use the term "park" loosely. It's more like she just stops driving. I have seen B all of 3 or 4 times. In those few times I have seen him, he has never been wearing a shirt, or has been standing between his lady's legs on the back porch snarling in our direction. Of course, B has a pit bull. You can see him thru the slats in the fence.

 I am usually not a fan of pits but this one is actually nice. His owner however must have just happened on him. B has not mowed his back yard in at least 6 months. He has started a poop factory. It is to the point where I don't like to go out on the back porch because I am accosted by the smell of pit poo. So, those are our immediate friend choices in the neighborhood.

      I could get involved with some "do good" group on the base. The problem with this, is that most of the women there are in direct competition with each other. It's an unspoken rule. I am pregnant and live next to a small poop factory. I am not looking to compete. The other option is to make friends at a bar. That doesn't seem smart either. So, here we are. I didn't even tell anyone I am a witch this time, and I am still eating lunch alone. At least now, I don't have a pocket knife, or a training bra.