Thursday, March 15, 2012

A Little Jessie Spano

What you are thinking: Finally! We've been wondering what the hell happened to you. I almost completely forgot you wrote these things. Not that I actually admit to anyone that I read them. Because people might think less of me for reading about the mundane life of Liz Pukesonpeople Falcor. So, I will continue to secretly read them, and then never mention it to her. That way she will continue to feel like the world's WORST comedian. She doesn't get heckled. She doesn't get laughs, she just gets complete silence. That's why comedians are comedians right? They do it for the silence?

That was thinly veiled attempts at telling you, if you like the crap I write, you should probably mention it to me. I stopped writing because I was pretty sure I was a tree in the forest. If you don't understand that reference, it's the thing about a tree falling in the woods with  no one around to hear it. Does it make a sound? I'm the tree...and you people.....this analogy is bad. I am going to stop.

I do miss writing. However, if you haven't had children yet, you don't get it. Children are like mind terrorists. Except I am paranoid about using that word because I am surely on some watch list just for that one usage. So, instead of the word I just used, I will substituting David Blaine in it's place. Children are like little David Blaines. They are constantly ruining things, and looking for things they can destroy. Then they do things like a little bouncy dance and you are like OMG NO ONE ELSE'S KID COULD POSSIBLY BE THIS CUTE. I AM ABOUT TO EXPLODE. I wonder if David Blaine is cute when he dances.

So let's get you up to date.

I am pregnant.


We are moving.


Chad is breaking up with the Army in 15 days.

For the first time.

We are moving to Charlottesville, VA. We found a nice town home and we will be moving there in 2 weeks. Meanwhile, Chad is still trying to find a different job that doesn't involve a deployment. Why? Because with a baby on the way and a toddler around, the thought of him not being around for 6 months literally makes me fight back vomit and tears. That's a horrible combination.

I remember when I was a freshman in high school there were seniors taking the day off to go to the theater to the the NC 17 movie "Showgirls." That movie was just like a really, really horrible soft core porn. Yea, I've watched it. I actually think it's one of the funniest movies ever made. To be that bad at acting is almost a gift.

Seriously. Why haven't we discussed this more? Showgirls is a movie that needs discussion. I think we've come far enough now. We can talk about it openly.

If I lived in Vegas I would never have a problem trying to poop ever again.

Is Gene Wilder single?

We found a house. Not sure if i mentioned that earlier in the post. The owners we are renting from said that their neighbors on one side are REALLY WEIRD. I can't wait to live there. It's gunna be small, and a little cramped. But, I think it's more baby friendly than the giant landing we have now on the second floor that I lovingly refer to as the baby killer.

I bought Charlie 3 new diapers that are actually named "Charlie Banana."

To the people of Denmark, Russia, and Canada...thank you for reading my blog.

These are my random thoughts when I am about to explode.