Ca-Caaaaaw!

I'm writing this while it's still fresh in my mind, and I am recovering from the bloating from tonight's food. Let's start with the basics.

As we were walking into the place we saw her....Chad's boss came walking passed us.. Her jerry curl in full effect (she's not black so no, I'm not being racist) and she was all nicey nice. She said, "Hi! How are you guys doing?!?" To which I replied with, a long blank stare and awkward silence. We continued walking into the facility.

From the outside we were impressed. We walked into the place, and thought, wow for a military hall this is really nice. We saw the nice dining area and were immediately excited to see what we were in for. We were then escorted to where we would be dining. It was in the back of the facility, and it was a small gymnasium with those weird wrestling floor mats, and it smelled like sweat, and balls.



The lady that organized the event walked in....She was wearing HEAD TO TOE DENIM. Like, it was a jean jacket with puffy shoulders, and a bell skirt all made of dark colored denim. She looked like the princess from Super Mario Brother's except made of denim. What's the best part of Super Mario Bros? Denim denim denim. (think of the theme song doo doo, dunn dunn, dunn dunn.)

Chad's boss tried to sit at our table. I kept making awkward long stares until she would look away. THAT'S RIGHT B I'M THE ALPHA! She then got up and walked around aimlessly looking for other people to chime in with. The tone of her voice is also similar to that of a black crow. This lady is that type of conversationalist that just repeats the last 4 words of your sentence and adds a "yeayah yeayah" at the end.  Yeayah yeayah, yeayah yeayah at the end! She kept commenting on how much Charlie looked like Chad. To which I replied at one point, "Well, I had sex with Chad to make this baby, so usually they do look like their parents." To which she replied, "yeayah yeayah look like their parents!" Ca-caaaw!

It came time to find out what treats we would be dining on for the evening. She was sitting in some lurker chairs behind the actual tables, and when they dismissed our table to go eat....she offered to HOLD CHARLIE. I promptly responded to her face, "Heck no!" Chad stayed back, and I used all my server skillz to score us 2 plates of food and 2 drinks. I wish we had only gotten one. It actually smelled like Charlie's baby food. It was like bad church food mixed with a little vomit, and a lot of water. Seriously, there was no need for teeth. The turkey was canned, and was floating around in gravy that looked more like rubber cement. The turkey also came in cubes. There was macaroni and cheese, stuffing that had the same consistency as the gravy, and hush puppies. Yes, my friends, welcome to the south. Hush freakin' puppies. I guess the cornmeal was the veggie.

Ca-Caaaaw!

Back to Chad's boss...she sat in the lurker chair the entire time we ate, staring at Charlie. Smiling at him, and Charlie stared back. When Charlie is unsure of someone, he just open mouth stares at them with this blank stoic glare. That's exactly what he was doing. It was awesome. Even my baby is judging you lady.



 Ca-Caaaw!

It got to be 7:30 with an hour drive ahead of us. So, I started just being a jerk and saying loudly, "If this really is a family event, they will understand if we leave to put our son to bed since it's already past his bedtime." Finally, the crow says, "Yea yea it's past his bed time! Ca-caaaw!" So, I just packed us up and we left.




Ca-Caaaw!

I can't think of a better way to end this, than by simply stating......

Ca-Caaaw!