Now and Later

So, today is December 14, 2011. I found out on Monday. I'm about to poop my pants every time I think about it. I can't think straight. I made chilli today, and wiped the knife off with my sweat shirt sleeve, and then put my contacts in and wiped my eye off with that same shirt sleeve. I've been a mess ever since.

I went in for a blood test yesterday. They called me last evening to confirm. They told me that I need to go in for another blood test on Thursday to make sure the numbers are doubling up like they should be. I will also schedule my first appointment at this point.

I'm pregnant.

I'm scared.

Yes, it's what I wanted.

But it's sort of like when you really really wanted that Skip It! when you were 7. Sure you practiced your saxophone everyday for 5 months to get one, but once you had it you realized it was sort of a short lived love affair since the almost albino kid down the street decided to play with it. Then he broke it and his family all wouldn't admit he did and so I was left with NO skip it!, and one excellent set of skills on the smooth sounds of Kenny G. Am I really comparing my unborn child to a skip it!? Yes. Because at this point it's more like 10 months of saxophone lessons, while playing the drums at the same time. (Charlie is the drums, which I am now realizing is a horrible thing to use as an analogy due to the fact that you hit them. I don't hit Charlie for the record.) Then, I finally DO get the "skip it!," but I can't stop playing the drums!

I worry there won't be enough of me. I fear the end of pregnancy with Charlie active and running around. I don't know where I will find the energy. Hell, I don't even know where I will be. My first pregnancy was how I imagine snails to feel when they are sliming around leaving their booger trail. BTW I am still scarred by the amount of snails in England. I have NEVER encountered as many slugs and snails. They were also the size of an adult male finger.

There's just so much uncertainty in these next few months. Chad will be divorcing the Army, with lots of dramatic flare, like throwing their clothes on the proverbial lawn, and going out to bars talking about how bad they treated him. We will be on the hunt for a job, and scrambling to pay our bills in the mean time. Then, I am adding in baby number 2. We are going to need an SUV. It's already like a sardine can traveling with 2 dogs and a baby.

My insides feel like Danny Devito looks. If you don't know what that means, it's sort of like a college hangover from keg beer. It could come out either end, and the bad feelings come on unexpectedly and leave just as fast. Then you are left with some strange soreness that you aren't sure why you have, to later find out it was because you were throwing up off a deck railing and the railing was the only thing suspending you from face planting onto a holly bush. The soreness is also due in part to the level of heaving you have accomplished, and the diarrhea you swear you will never have again from friggin Milwaukee's Best keg beer. I'm not even sure they made keg beer. But they did make parties at our house.

The weird cravings are setting in. I want Chipotle, chili, and pepper steak, followed by sour cream and onion Pringles. I crave Pringles once a year, mostly because why would you crave them? You either want chips or tater tots, but somehow Pringles seem to be this weird love child they made together.

I knew I was pregnant before the tests started coming up positive. There was a candle inside a drawer in my bedroom, and I made Chad locate it and move it. We are about to drive up to Ohio. No one in the family knows about bambie 2.

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I wrote that last part before we told errbody. I've decided that errbody needs to make a comeback. After all, there were a lot of errbody's in da club gettin tipsy.

Things that happened since this post was written...

Had a conversation with my Mom that went a little bit like this:
Mom: You remember that one boy you dated in high school?
Me: There were a few. Can you be more specific?
Mom: The Anglo one.

We told both of our parents the same way. It was amazing. I had told my mom I wasn't pregnant, so we decided to use dirty pee pee sticks as Christmas gifts. We wrapped them up tightly in a few layers of paper. My mom got to the pregnancy stick and got all pissed off. She said "It's not funny to give this stuff to old ladies." Then she looked at the result window and started crying. Hahaha My Dad asked how old the test was.

Things I learned on this trip home:

I don't HATE the idea of moving to Ohio. I just need a 3 hour barrier between my Mom and myself. That being said, I will probably need her when Lil' Bay comes along. Yes, my friends I have named #2. Due to my recent obsession with Lil' Wayne I felt I would pay homage to him.

Our final destination is the west coast, but if Chad takes a job in Ohio we are still a few hundred miles closer to Cali, and NOT in Crapstown, NC.

To make the best trip time you must: pee in a McDonalds cup, drive at night, make no stops. Don't travel on Christmas. I peed in several gravel lots between Ohio and NC because we couldn't get our McDonalds pee cup because there was not a single McDonalds open.

This year Chad learned about my ghost of Christmas past. Growing up, kids asked me tons of questions about being Jewish. Let's do a brief synopsis as to why everyone thought that we were Jewish. Every year, we would pack up and head to south Florida for the holidays, we never had a Christmas tree, and we never put up lights. The questions started around first grade. At first I would say, "I'm not Jewish!" By the 3rd or 4th grade of dealing with this, I started just making up answers. Kid on bus, "What's a dradle?" Me, "It's a pair of girls underwear."(sing the song, it will make you giggle)

Until this year, Chad didn't really know how bare bones my childhood Christmas experience was. My Mom waited until we got to her house to decorate her newly purchased tree. She made Chad and my brother in law head down to the basement to retrieve the ONE box of decorations we own. Chad and my brother in law sat in disbelief as we unpacked the 12 ornaments, and 2 Christmas candles my grandma made in 1982. Then, Chad shed a singular tear, as my sister and I sniffed the candle and both said, "It smells like Christmas!"

I named this post "Now and Later" due to the fact that it was written 2 weeks apart...I would also like to mention that Now and Laters were the WORST Halloween candy you could get. Don't be those people.