Dr. Asshole - Dentist

Disclaimer: I apologize to all dental hygienists. This does not apply to you. Dental hygienists are probably some of the nicest people I have ever met. Why? Because you scrape dookie out of people's mouths and you are nice about it.

Except for that one time in England. Where she wanted to take her lunch break. Chad went first and came out of the room HOLDING A PAPER TOWEL OVER HIS MOUTH TO CATCH THE SEEPING BLOOD. I went next, and neither one of us brushed our teeth for like a day after that. I still have flashbacks. On to the next subject.

Dentists.

I hate them.

I didn't go to the Dentist for a while after that last pleasant experience. We came back to the states, and I was pregnant. I felt like shit for 9 months. I didn't want to deal with it. Plus, the books I read said that all they can really do is clean your teeth. I decided to just wait until Charlie came out.

That was a bad move.

FIVE cavities. F I V E

I sort of wanted to cry and jump off of a cliff all at once.

The cleaning went well. The hygienist was super nice. She cleaned my teeth and said she didn't see any cavities. All was good with the world.

Then dickbag doctor came in. Do all dentists get their undergrad degree in asshole with a minor in dickhead? Only female dentists are nice. That's my conclusion.

The conversation went like this:
Me: Do you think that this happened because of the pregnancy?
Doctor: I think it happened because you didn't floss.
Me: Really? You couldn't sugar coat that at all?
Doctor: I don't get paid to sugar coat things.
Me: Are you from Ohio?
Doctor: That's where I went to school.
Me: Oh. Cool. That's where I'm from.
Doctor: I didn't ask.

Let me tell you how excited I am to go in to get those bad boys filled on the 19th of Juliz. Just to have the Stalin of dentistry drilling in my mouth. He showed me the xrays and said "to the untrained eye like yours, you wouldn't see them. They are between your teeth." I then freaked out at how they were going to get to them. "Simple manipulations." Really? You couldn't be more specific. How's about you use your words and explain things to me. You just told me you are going to drill 5 holes in my mouth, and you couldn't give more of an explanation than two words?

Now, I fear my insurance won't pay if I decided to go to a different dentist. So, I have to have faith that Dr. Asshole 1. won't screw up and 2. won't be a complete asshat. Look guy, I know you are busy. However, a little nice chat wouldn't kill your practice. My "failure to floss" is money in your pocket to go buy asshole things like knives with boners on them, and $800 shoes that look like duck feet made out of crocodiles.

I don't know where else to go with this, so I am just going to stop writing.