No More Kid Gloves

I've decided to take a new approach. The beauty is that my Mom just thinks it's my hormones. She apparently has no internal dialogue, so why should I? I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED DURING DANCING WITH THE STARS. PEOPLE HAVE LIVES AND CAN'T WRITE YOU A THANK YOU FOR THEIR BABY ENSEMBLE 2 DAYS AFTER THEY GET IT. PLUS, SHE'S 19 AND JUST HAD A CHILD. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CALM DOWN.

I'm starting to document our conversations. Just the randomness that I deal with. I have to talk to my mom every day. That's how she judges my what I can only assume she calls my "daily fragility." You know, where she decides if today is the day I will off myself. Even though I am now a highly functioning adult, and have been taking care of and dealing with my own mental health for years and I am FINE right now.

The new leaf I have turned over is starting now....No longer will I become irritated over the things she says. Now, I will simply do what I do with every other aspect of my life. I will make it humorous. If there are family members that somehow find this and read it, this is what I have to say to you: YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO HER EVERY DAY!!! I DO!!!! I WILL NOT HANDLE MY OWN MOTHER WITH KID GLOVES. SHE TALKS TO ME LIKE THIS AND TALKS WITH YOU ABOUT ME SO I GUESS I CAN DO THE SAME. DEAL WITH IT. GET OVER IT. IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT FIND A HOBBY YOU OLD WITCHES. I suggest quilting. Or, not being a bitch. Either one is ok with me.

A week ago I went to the Rodayo. I like them. It is a truly American experience. Plus, it's fun to see some idiot get kicked in the head by a pissed off horse. It's my one exception for being around clowns. When I told my mom I was going, her response was something along the lines of, "Oh they are sooo stinky! How GROSS! I can't believe you are going to sit there in all that filth while you are pregnant!" To which I responded with, "Have you ever been to a Rodeo?" Her response. "No." Then, just to give you a heads up on the crazy level, she GOOGLES the Rodeo in Raleigh so she can learn more about where I am going and what I am doing. WTF?

Call it pregnancy hormones. I doubt it is. "Ever since she had that baby, she's such a bitch." No, I just decided that I don't have time to care about Skins.

I have to spend every day for about 30 minutes on the phone with my Mom. Some days it's conversations about things like visits or Charlie. More often than not, it's about things like Greys Anatomy (which I don't watch) or Dancing with the Stars. She spent a lot of time telling me how disgusted she was by The Jersey Shore when that first aired. I don't even want to think about the amount of hours I have wasted talking about Snookie. The problem before was that I would let her go on and on...Now, I am just saying my internal dialogue out loud. "Why are we talking about this? This is a pointless conversation. Your irritation is making me irritated. Is that what you want for me today? To be irritated?" I actually said that today. Her response after our 5 minute conversation on the show Skins, was to say. Oh ok, I want you to have a good day. You are going shopping? How fun! I will either talk to you later, or tomorrow.

Amazing. I want to be pregnant all the time. Then, I can say things like, "This is a terrible conversation."

This evening I will sit down and tell you about how I spent the 80's watching my Dad play with lead and car batteries.