Friday, January 21, 2011

Puckies

I grew up near a golf course....Wellllll sort of. It was more like a very, very large putt-putt course. If you were half decent at golf, you could drive a ball from one end of the course to the other. Most people that golfed there weren't good. In fact, they were terrible. The course ran the length of a semi-busy street, and golf balls would land on either side of the street. When I was little my Dad used to take me on his bike (with the little kiddie seat on the back) and we would go golf ball hunting. Why? Because it was fun. It was a treasure hunt. What would we do with a bunch of golf balls? We would cut them open. I can tell you what's on the inside of any golf ball from the 1980's. Did you know that some had cement type stuff and then a center made of some plastic with a force field around it that made it impossible to cut thru? (similar to that of a giant gobstopper) Did you know that some had an inner core of a ball bearing and a rubber ball that was wrapped in rubber band material? I did. I don't mean to get all braggy and stuff, but that was pretty awesome.

I used to cry when my Dad would offer to take me on the back of his bike. My Mom didn't like to take me on hers because I apparently did the dead guy lean off the side of the bike and we would tip over. She didn't know I did that on purpose because 1. I had to wear a helmet that had Velcro pieces that cut my face to make it fit and 2. I thought it was entertaining to see her get really mad over this. Riding on the back of Dad's bike was the worst though. He could go fast, and we never tipped, and sometimes he would let me ride without that helmet, but I think we went fast because of jet propulsion. He would FART the WHOLE time! I wasn't a nice kid. I don't blame him. I would fart on me too.

My Dad has perfected what we call "stealth mode." I think he developed this talent out of necessity. He was the ONLY male thing in the house. There were 2 daughters, 2 girl dogs, and my Mom. With that many women, I think I would be inclined to work on my skills. "Stealth Mode" is his crazy ability to come thru a room and come back thru the room the same way. There was a time in between that he went back the other way! I think that's why he likes his comfy sweats and running shoes. They are stealth makers.

During the 80's my Dad had a bought with his cholesterol and weight. To combat the horrible part of getting older he would go jogging. But, being the true inventor that he is, he didn't feel running was enough. He invented a weight belt he would wear while jogging. We will come back to that.

My Dad is a Mechanical Engineer by trade. He knows a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff. During the winter months when we weren't out hunting for golf balls, you could find us in the basement. Dad would be taking car batteries apart, to use the lead from inside of the battery to make "puckies." He would use an acetylene torch, and he would melt down the lead. I would stand beside him during this process. I found it interesting. I was 6 and this was super safe. Ha! It was the 80's we didn't even know about lead paint yet. "Puckies" were a 1/2 measuring cup full of lead with a piece of hangar embedded in the one side of it. That hangar piece allowed him to thread the "puckie" onto a leather belt that he strapped on for his nightly jog. Lead, against skin. Like 20lbs of lead. An ENTIRE leather belt bedazzled with lead 1/2 cups of pure pirate toxin. (it's assumed that's what killed a lot of pirates because their cups and the like were made of lead)


Watching my dad melt lead down in the basement that you got out of car batteries.

That's how I spent the 80's.

How many other people can say they watched their dad's do that?

I will tell you a number.

Zero.

I love my Dad.

1 comment:

  1. I spent the '80s reciting the Greek alphabet because my dad taught it to me as a party trick. Oh, well, at least it was less poisonous than hunting for lead...heh.

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