Pepe the Drifter

I am pretty sure that my teen years were an episode of Law & Order SVU that just never actually came to fruition.

No, seriously.


I made eye contact with a drifter earlier today. They like to stand out beside this local quickie-mart that sells  3 items. Porn, smokes, and drugs. I am pretty sure of it at least. I have only been inside of it like 2 times, and that was 3 years ago. A lot has changed since then. Like the amount of drifters that seem to hover around the side of the store.

The drifter reminded me of when I was 15. I had an older friend that could drive, and we used to hang out and go lots of places I shouldn't have gone. Like Perkins at 10:30 at night. To meet guys. Guys named "Pepe." Yea. Pepe wore Jenco jeans and was around 26 years of age. I was thrilled that older guys found me attractive. I wasn't the least bit concerned that "Pepe" was not his real name, and that I MET HIM AT A PERKINS. I saw nothing wrong with the age difference, as it showed how mature I was. My Mom on the other hand, saw a lot wrong with it. Good call Mom. Good call. Looking back, I realize Pepe was most likely a drifter that wanted to kill me and use my hair to make paint brushes.

My mom had an idiot on her hands when I was growing up. I used to frequent teen dance clubs as well. She was UBER strict, but somehow I convinced her that going to teen dance clubs was not only safe but a good social outlet. In case you never ventured to a teen club, let me fill you in on what happens there. It's basically a huge orgy with clothes on. Even that is being generous for what actually goes on at those places. What I want to know is, what did my Mom picture? Did she picture it like the days of yore? I went there with a pink ribbon wrapped around my ponytail, and a poodle skirt and saddle shoes to make eye contact with a boy and then blush? It was a mix of girls gone wild, and MTV spring break. I usually didn't dance with any boys while I was there though, because the guys that went to those places wore visors with plastic stars on them to indicate they were "ravers." Passs. Instead, I perfected my psuedo-stripper moves in case I needed to tell the world about my Daddy issues. There used to be guys there that were at least 24. All they would have to do is wait in the parking lot for me to come out, and boom! Law & Order style murder me.

Yes, I did my fair share of teenage rebellion. I smoked cigarettes. I thought they made me look cool. I drank. I did all the normal things that teenagers do. What I would like to discuss is how my Mom combated my teenage rebellion. Instead of talking to me about the dangers of drinking, and smoking, she would let me go do whatever it is I would say I was doing. Then, she would follow me and spy on me. This isn't like once or twice. She did this throughout my high school career. (ha "high school career" is funny to me because that makes it sound like that's a real job. What do you do for a living?  "I am the CEO of high school.") For realz though, did other people's parents do that? Will I be expected to do that? Because I am not going to. All it did was teach me to be EXTREMELY efficient at deception. Like technically I could be the main character on an episode if I had some sort of psychotic break. I guess as I grew up murder looked less appealing, and I started to calm down....for a while. Then I had like a break from reality at about 24 years of age. I think it was because I had to move home after living away for a few years. I completely lost it. I got all paranoid thinking she was following me around again. It was terrible. I still sometimes feel like she's watching me. It was awkward when I started having sex....I totally thought my Mom was watching me.

I guess what I am trying to get at is, did other people have parents that did this? Was this over the top? Is this how you handle a rebellious teen? I thought you just hope for the best, and close your eyes when you know they are being stupid. Maybe I was worse than I thought. Maybe I really was on my way to juvie, but I sincerely doubt it. As I get closer to parenthood, the more I freak out over what I will do in these situations. I over analyze things, and begin to panic that I am clearly not ready for this.


I am rusty at this. I have lots more to talk about. Truth is, I have been battling a thyroid condition, the beeties, and a lot of in my head kind of stuff. I need this outlet, but I felt guilty for it because people in my family threw a shit fit over it. Then, it sort of made me feel like what I was doing was wrong. Now, I realize that this is how I am coping with so many issues. I am not living life to please others anymore. You don't like me? I have a throat punch picked out just for you. You take my stories out of context, I poop on your porch. Or, go into insulin shock. One or the other definitely.

I promise to write every day for a while until I get all my new stories out.