Post Office Package Enforcer

When Chad was with the 82nd, my health care was awesome. I called, they got me in, and I walked out with free meds and a way to feel better.

Now, I call and I wait. They call me back 3 hours later and tell me I am probably overreacting. I'm over it. I got a human in me. He likes to give me thyroid problems and blood sugar that is low enough I could pass out in laundry room with my dirty underwear inches from my face. I don't want to die that way. I'm using my old period panties to get thru the end of my pregnancy because they are roomy and I don't care about how I look anymore. However, I don't want the CSI to come in and judge me when they find my dirty panties on the floor by my face. They won't know why I'm dead. They won't care either, because I will be too gross to care about. Cause of death Frank? "Panty sniffing Jim."

I should never be allowed in a post office. Several years ago, I went to mail Cha Cha a package while he was in Iraq. I set my keys down on the counter, and took care of the sending of the package. I left the post office, and went to get in my car. I couldn't unlock my car because...I forgot my keys. I went back inside to find out that wasn't the case. I assumed I locked them in my car. I thought I had LOST it. I had to call my mom to come save me with a spare key. I didn't lock them in my car either. I left my phone number. Wish I had a picture of keys so I could post signs. "Have you seen me?" Two weeks later, some lady brought them back to the post office. She had realized they weren't hers. REALLY? It took you 2 weeks to realize they didn't start your car, or unlock your doors? I am one of those people that carried around a ton of keys too. Because that's the only way I could keep track of them. It was like a janitor ring of keys from every place I had ever lived. Did you mistake them as your own because of the Jagermeister key chain? Did you mistake them as your own because of the Eddie Bauer thermometer? Really?

Today, I went to send Chad a package. Cookies, and a new toothbrush head. I used a flat rate envelope. "If it fits, it ships." Not so much. I get to the counter and the lady proceeds to humiliate me by using me as an example to other customers as to what NOT to do. Really post office lady? Really? How's about you calm down. She said, "Ummm no, this won't work." I needed clarification. "You altered the shape of the shipping material," she said. I said, "Yea, that happens when you put things inside of it." She told me I needed to find a new way to ship it. Then called for the next person in line. She said the same thing to her, and her boxes were not even an issue. The lady came to stand beside me in the loser area of the post office for rejects that can't stuff a package correctly. We proceeded to pull out every box they post office had that we knew was too small, and put our stuff in it. We would walk up to her line and say, "So, this doesn't work?" We did this for about 10 minutes. The other employees were all laughing. Gestapo of the post office, don't you know I go from zero to Mel Christian Bale Gibson in 2 seconds?" I mailed some stuff off the same exact way last week and nobody said a word to me. Apparently this lady needs an afternoon nap and a punch in the face.

That's all you get today. I am scarred by post office lady, and quite frankly a bit on the cranky side.

Deal with it.