FREE YOUR MIND!!!!

I am only telling you this so you don't judge me. Since I have become pregnant I have developed a thyroid condition. It makes me feel like death. Walking from the kitchen back to the couch is exhausting. It's seriously embarrassing. I feel like a prisoner in my own body right now. I am waiting for the docs to give me meds. This means that the only things I can do are watch tv, play on facebook, or write blogs. I am going with the last one. So, if you judge me, just know you are judging a sick, defenseless, pregnant woman.

So here I am, a captive of my own body. It's hard to talk about funny things that have happened lately because I have literally been out of the house for 6 hours in 2 weeks. The only thing I have left to do is talk about regalia from my past. Chad read my most recent post and asked if the 6th Grade Lip Sync was a real thing. OF COURSE IT WAS REAL. I'm about to go all Sophia on this story.

Picture this.....Jackson Memorial Middle School, 1992. It was the end of the school year, and I had apparently somehow convinced 3 girls that being my friend would not get them burned at the stake, and that carrying around a pocket knife in your bra is completely normal. There was to be one more middle school dance of the year. Every year the last dance of the year was also a "lip sync." I was like, "awwwww shiiiiit" when I heard it on the announcements. I'm not quite sure that was my actual response, but that's how I remember it in my head. (6th grade had not been kind to me in many ways. It was an unfortunate year of Kelly Kapowski bangs, and flannel shirts) Back to the story. I decided to make my only 3 friends at the time, join me on stage. We needed to find a song that really spoke to us. A song with a sweet video, and a female anthem we could identify with. Naturally we chose the song, "Free Your Mind" by En Vouge. I could really relate to those sisters. With the song chosen, all that was left was choreography, and costume. I was on it. I had costumes galore lying around. Some were from when I was 7, and some had been mailed to me by my Aunt who had two girls a little older than me.

Let me refresh your memory of this video. The costume that really caught my eye was basically a black one piece bathing suit, with a floor length skirt. Sounds ok right? I'm. Not. Finished. Apparently costume design was like, "ummmmm no this isn't nearly slutty enough. Did you see what Madonna has been wearing?" So, they proceeded to cut a slit all the way to very top of the lady bits on the costume. The other outfits were less memorable, but pretty much your average run of the mill bondage type stuff. You know, the stuff that every 11 year old should be into by this point.

*Little known Liz fact: The summer of my 5th to 6th grade year, I became close with a weird neighbor lady that looking back on it was a complete social misfit and surely has at least 10 cats by now. Well, she was interested in medieval times. I was 10, who was I to disagree? We joined a reenactment group. She made me the medieval garb.*

Good thing I had that medieval garb. The underskirt became the black skirt with the slit to the lady bits. The girls and I practiced for a good two weeks for this performance. None of us had thought to ask around about what other people were doing as their act. We also hadn't asked around to see who would be judging the contest either. So, the night comes. We are all nerves and excitement. We change into our costumes in the girls locker room and prepare to head to the stage. Other acts start performing. Other people are dressed up like Raggedy Anne and Andy. Some people are dressed in sailor outfits because they just sang "On the Good Ship Lollipop." The judges are older than the Pope. Seriously. The judges are PEOPLES GRANDPARENTS. Gulp. They. Call. Our. Names. We go up on stage, the music starts (FREE YOUR MIND!!!), and my back up dancers do their thing. I do most of the lead lip syncing. We rocked the effin house, people. It was amazing for four 11 year old girls to have put on such a spectacular. The song ended. We were all smiles. It was like a record skipped. No one spoke. No one clapped. All you could hear was our little high heels as we exited the stage. We went down onto the gym floor, and there were boys from our class waiting for us WITH DOLLAR BILLS. They were asking, "How much?" More than a dollar kid. More than a dollar.

Some people just don't get me. They never will. We didn't win. I am still bitter. Sometimes, when I see Lady Gaga, I think, that should be me. I was ahead of my time.

Update on other three: 1 girl turned out wonderfully. She is married and seems to be very happy. The others well, to my best guesstimation, they turned out.

And so, I leave you with the words of the wise lady's of En Vogue.