T-Money

    Sooooooo, here we are in North Carolina. Home of furry white people and fried chicken. Over the past few weeks I have been getting some things done. Such as waiting to be seen by a doctor for 3 hours. Watching for the second time in one month as a woman thinks it's OK to pick at the whitehead/blackhead on her husband's face. Incase you didn't know. That is NOT ok. Ever. I love zits, probably more than most people, but picking them in public is right up there with nose picking. I mean come on lady, you are in the waiting room for the black hole that is Tri Care services. There are 7 people sitting behind you. I can see that you obviously found something of interest on his ear and are now picking at it with both thumbs while the rest of us sit here awkwardly with NOTHING to do but stare at you and hold back vomit. Three weeks ago a couple had just left a Starbucks, and the girl stopped her man in the middle of the parking lot to pick a zit on his neck. When did this happen? I leave the country for 2 years and suddenly public zit popping is socially acceptable. Did the recession cause this?  As unemployment rises, so do the number of people publicly picking zits?

     After our trip to the most useless doctor in the world, we were scheduled for an ultrasound. That was a pretty magical moment. Not the scheduling of the appointment, but the ultrasound itself. It was a bit uncomfortable. When someone tells me 32 ounces of water I do 40. I am also smaller than most women and my bladder is not that big....sooooooo I pretty much almost peed all over the lady. I have NEVER been able to see babies on ultrasounds. I have an art degree and I can't see a baby inside of someone. That day, I graduated to seeing things. We cried. It was awesome. We could see the baby's heart beating like a little flutter, and she turned on the sound so we could hear the heart beat. Everything felt more real. It also felt more OMG WE ARE ABOUT TO HAVE A HUMAN! I came home in a mad rush to get started on a registry and then realized that we were living like the Amish for 2 weeks with no cable or internet. So, today I will start the process of figuring out what things I want for T-Money. That's what I decided to name the fetus. Mostly because, let's face it, he/she is white and chances for a career in rap are pretty slim. This way at least he/she gets a good 7 months of small scale fame from all our friends and family.

       Chad and I upgraded to a king size bed. Yeah, I know that was a terrible transition. I don't do transitions. Ever since we got back from England I swear I feel like getting into the spread out snow angel position no matter where I am at. I like the extra space barrier that Americans have. It's nice to eat dinner without feeling like someone is sitting on our lap enjoying our naan bread with us. While I was trying to fall asleep last night, as spread out as humanly possible, I got to thinking. There are those couples out there that state, "We can't fall asleep without the other one being there. We sleep woven together. My leg fits thru his blah blah blah vomit." When I was younger I was all like, "Awww, that is so amazingly sweet and I want that." Now, I am like, "Get back on your side riff raff. Here's a pillow to indicate a no fly zone. It will also keep out the ungodly amount of body heat you put off. Sweat it out on your own side gross-o." Let's discuss the weirdos that actually sleep all tangled up. These are the same people that sleep on a double bed for their entire lives so they can be closer together. If Chad tried to sleep like that with me I would punch him in the ear hole. That has to feel like drowning in someone else's body parts. Plus, do they not move in their sleep? Do they just die for 8 hours? Now that I have inspected this further I am calling a "no way jose!" Deep down inside those a-holes want a king size bed too. It is magical like floating on a sea of pillows into the depths of dream town. Didn't Diddy have a making the band with a bunch of white boys named Dream Town? Who knew it was all about a king size bed and liars that say they sleep all up on each other.

    More in a day or two.