Friday, November 5, 2010

Hangovers and Babies

I am keeping it realz. Fo' realz.

I am one of the first in my circle of friends and family to have a baby. You can read lots and lots of books about pregnancy, but most of them sugar coat the truth. This is in no way meant to deter you from having a baby AT ALL. I am just giving my lady friends a bit of a heads up on what to expect in the first portion of pregnancy.

Being pregnant is sort of like having a hangover while in college. You know, when you were still young enough to binge drink, feel like crap the next day for like 6 hours, and then rally to do it again. Except those 6 hours aren't all in a row....they are spread out throughout the day. Mostly at the worst times ever. Like during deep and meaningful conversations, or sex. Your mind starts to wander off thinking about puking in decanters and decorative vases.

The hormones will make you have some wicked headaches too. You will be allowed to take Tylenol only. For me, Tylenol is like eating tic tacs for hemorrhoids. In time, I have accepted Tylenol for what it is and use it regularly hoping my liver doesn't stop working.

You will seek out people that have already had kids to ask if some of your symptoms are normal. Things such as not pooping for days, severe stabbing pains, and bleeding gums. Yes, I said bleeding gums. Your gums change while you are preggo too.

You will have a friend or relative that you confide in that had "the perfect pregnancy." My mom was one of them. What you have to remember about a lot of these women is that it happened 29 years ago and they have idealized something that IS special but in no way a cake walk. You tell them things like, "My insides are sore" or "I feel like I just got off a horse." They then tell you that's not normal. You will not like these people. Apparently they remember pregnancy like something out of The Sound of Music.

I feel like I just got off a horse. (College really did prepare me for pregnancy) It is from the ligaments and joints in your lower body stretching out to prepare for birth. Every time the word "birth" is mentioned you will feel everything in your body sort of seize up in a sort of panic.

The other thing that I would like to talk about is comparing pregnancy to a day at the amusement park. You will talk about the rides on your way there, you will stand in line excited to get on the ride, you will get on the ride....and as the coaster clicks its way to the top you start to think about it. You start to think, shit I don't know if this was such a good idea. Will they just hurry up and GOOOOOOOOOOOO.

That's sort of how the first time your pregnant you feel. I personally wanted kids for a bagillion years. Now, it's in there. T-Money is chillin' in the front seat, and I am clicking up the coaster. It's the anticipation of birth (insides seize), life changing, and all the unknowns. It's sort of like every week that goes by is one more agonizing click on that coaster.

Then, you see the ultrasound. You see the small little legs, and the tail (yea babies have tails at first), and you realize that you made that. You hear the heart beat, and you cry. You can't help it.  When you feel the baby kick for the first time, EVERYTHING melts away. It's like your first kiss, and first everything all wrapped into one.

Countdown to gender: 11 days.

2 comments:

  1. I just fucking love you and miss you so much. I cannot WAIT for you to find out what it is!!!
    Love you!
    Baby Butt

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  2. Ha, I love all your descriptions! How is it that they make me miss being pregnant...? I'm excited to hear whether T-Money is a boy or girl.

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