Trick Or Treat!

      Ok. I went to a college that was BONKERS over Halloween. It is my favorite holiday. It is always filled with memories every year. This year was a little less eventful because I had to be an adult and not drink. Boo.

      Why is Halloween my favorite holiday? It's simple. It doesn't involve family members fighting, and stressed thoughts of what to purchase for someone. It is purely about debauchery and fun. Kids can dress up as dragons and ghosts and adults can dress up as all the things that they never became. Such as ninjas, pirates, and prostitutes. Or, cop/nurse/witch/pirate/cat prostitutes. I actually think it's a bummer that girls don't allow themselves to be "naughty" more nights out of the year. I guess it's because all that pleather is bound to cause yeast infections, and one night a year is plenty for causing that kind of a stir.

      So last night Chad and I sat out on the front porch to hand out candy. 1,000 doorbell rings is a good way to make my high maintenance dog have an epic proportion panic attack. Plus, being a stranger and handing out candy to children, is always better when done out in the open.

      There are a few things about trick or treat that I would like to discuss.

1.  First of all, free candy is awesome. We tell our kids not to take candy from strangers, and then on Halloween we tell them not only to take a piece or two, but go ahead and go from door to door asking for candy from strangers. I'm totally going to take part in taking my kids Trick or Treating, but still it's sort of like my thoughts on the Easter Bunny. Rabbits don't lay eggs! Most people don't even know why we go around trick or treating either, or that Halloween is actually a morphed Christian holiday. "Soul cakes" have been replaced by candy.

2.  I also would like to congratulate the parents that would take their kids trick or treating 5-6 houses at a time IN THEIR CAR. Really? Is this for safety? Get out and walk your ass along with your kids. OR don't let your kids go in the first place because we all know these are the same people with the magnifying glasses and metal detectors to check the candy for razor blades. They probably do what birds do, only with the halloween candy. Chew it up to check for poison and blades and then spit it into their kids mouths. Mmmmm regurgitated Reese's cups.

3. We live in a weird area. We butt up against some houses that are on farm land, and in the woods. We also live in an allotment with some REALLY nice houses. I have to tell you about these people. They drove into out allotment on super revved up go carts, and drove their kids around to grab candy from all of us. They would stop every so often while the kids caught up. We had the pleasure of them stopping near our house. When I say this, don't judge me. I thought the parents were WEARING COSTUMES. Nope, turns out there are some people around here that look like they are from the movie "The Hills Have Eyes." I wanted to take pictures, but I thought it would be mean. Instead I will just talk about them on here. Seriously, it was amazing. I will start taking more pictures. It would be worth you all thinking I am mean if you got to see some of the things I see.

4.  When the only costume choices left for your kids are adult costumes, designed to be worn to adult parties, STOP LETTING YOUR KIDS GO TRICK OR TREATING. I watched as some guy walked his daughter around in some sort of French Maid costume. She had to be around 14. I am assuming it was his daughter. He could have been her pimp. They got confused over the word "trick." It was uncomfortable seeing a 14 year old dressed that way, and I wanted to shield my husbands eyes.

      There were also TONS of cute little kids. I can't wait to take T-Money trick or treating. I think we will start next year when he/she can't even eat it. He/she will be dressed up as "baby that can eat candy." I will be dressed up as "lady that wants free candy." Hold the razor blades.