Olive Garden Student of the Month

      I haven't felt T-Money kick yet. That scares me. I pee constantly, like as an afterthought to every process I make. Make a sandwich? Go pee. I called the nurse hotline because I was beginning to worry that I had a UTI. Not only did they say "you are just pregnant" they also told me to increase my water intake. I am already drinking like 10 glasses of water a day. For some reason when I think of drinking more water, my brain flashes to memories of some kid that pledged a frat, and they hazed him by making him drink gallons and gallons of water. Then, he died of water poisoning. That's what I picture happening to me if I drink more liquids. I'm really beginning to wonder if any of the "professionals" I have spoken with have ever had children.

      Every time I hear a new person refer to my baby as "T-Money" I am a little more glad I chose that in utero name. Hearing my Mom refer to baby as T-Money was awesome. I may have to pee all the time but I get a good amount giggles from hearing everyone talk about T-Money.

      I have a few confessions to make. Babies terrify me. I'd prefer we start out our relationship at like 3 years of age, and go from there, but I realize that's not how this works. I am terrified of vaginal birth. I'm scared that I will overreact over everything. I am worried I will become complacent with my dogs, or become superwoman and my marriage will suffer. I am scared of stretch marks. I am scared that I will end up on wife swap because my children look like they are homeless.

      I am also worried about all the terrible things I will inevitably subject my kids to. School bullies, and teachers that should be on antidepressants. I remember how terribly painful my elementary school experience was, and I hate to think that T-Money will have to suffer thru that. In the 4th grade I had the single worst teacher I have ever encountered. Mrs. W stepped out into the hallway to speak with someone, and the class went bonkers. I picked up a book and started reading. She came back in and I put the book down (open with the words on the desk side) as she yelled at the class. I told her I was reading, and picked up the book, and she said she wouldn't punish me. Melanie L. the class suck up then said "why is your book upside down?" Mrs. W then made me stand against the wall for a month at recess, and the rest of the class didn't get in trouble. I missed a lot of school that year. Sometimes because I was sick, and sometimes because I couldn't face going in there.
  
      I was awarded an "Olive Garden Student of the Month Award." I was so proud. I didn't open the envelope so my mom could share in the joy of the whole experience. 2 hours after I received the award the principal called me to his office. He told me there was a mix up, and I was actually the child with the most absences, and the award was meant for another student. I cried for weeks over that. Olive Garden has always been bittersweet for me. As a parent, what do you do in those situations? I remember what my mom did, and I can't say it was right or wrong. In fact, in my mind, she gets mad props for calling the principal at home, to tell him off and inform him she's an attorney and that if she wanted to this could go places. Then, she took me to Olive Garden. I have NO IDEA what I would do. Probably try to poop on the principals car, but with my poo issues I wouldn't be able to follow thru.

      I am sure that all my feelings are completely normal. That life as I know it will completely change, and I just don't know how ready I really am. I have wanted this for so long. I know it's what I really want. It just scares the crap out of me to have such a huge responsibility looming. I suppose once in action, it just happens. In the mean time, I am left to process how I will deal with all the trials and tribulations of childhood, craving Olive Garden.

      Ugh.