The Moment I Became Old

      This post needed some elaboration and some editing, but I needed some waffles first.

     Yesterday, it happened. I officially became old, crotchety, and partially insane. I lost it. In a China Wok.  Hi. Have we met? I'm the bitchy lady at the China Wok, but you can call me Liz. That's how I will introduce myself at Chad's work functions. You may also know me as the lady that got momentarily kicked off of a Continental flight for switching seats because I wanted an empty seat next to me because I had been traveling for 24 hours. Whatever. Barracuda Liz is terrifying. Ask Chad. It doesn't come out often, it's sort of like seeing a unicorn, but when I lose it, it's magical. To everyone but me.

      It's 5:15 and we are standing in line at the classy establishment known as the China Wok. There are three pre-teen girls at a table by themselves. (who drops there 12 year olds off at a China Wok?!?) I watch as a 30 year old man walks thru the door and one of the girls flags him down. She asks to record him for a "survey" and then proceeds to ask him what he thinks about itchy crotch. My heart started beating all fast, I  can't be certain if it was the teacher in me or the mom to be in me that lost it. I calmed myself down. The guy responded with "I think you should study hard." Good one. So, we sit down and the girls are over at their table acting like teenage girls. I would look over and they would say "she's looking at us." That's when I lost it. I went over to them. I couldn't help it. I felt like I needed a walker and a cane to beat them with. I proceeded to tell them that doing what they did to the wrong man could end badly for them. I told them I was coming from a big sister place and I was just saying that saying things like that could get them raped and killed. Just think about what they were doing. They then tried to turn it on me and get the teenage questioning going. "Did you know someone that this happened to?"  I wanted to fight these little bitches and throw up on them all at the same time. Why would they listen to someone with their husband's HUGE t-shirt on and jeans rolled up to the ankles, because otherwise they get all soggy in the wet weather? I didn't have anything on that was relatable to Miley (gums) Cyrus, or Justin (girl bangs) Bieber.

      First of all, at what point in time did it become ok for a 12 year old to ask a complete stranger for gynecological advice? Why is there ZERO supervision? Does China Wok provide day care?  In the same plaza there is a supermarket. There is a highway right across from it and the closest housing development is about a mile away. There were 8 year olds riding their bikes around the parking lot. W T F? I guess it is a military town. A lot of people made one too many.

      Here's what I wanted to say to those girls but didn't due to legal reasons: Listen here you snotty little pre-pubescent bitches. You act like your shit doesn't stink and that nothing could ever happen to you. That guy could wait in his car until you leave here. Then he could take a pick as to which one he liked most and then take her and put her in the trunk of his car. Then, he would take the lucky one home and skin her. Wear that pretty hairstyle on his own head. Go watch Silence of the Lambs you little shits.

      There you have it. The moment I became old. In a China Wok. I thought it would be in a cooler spot.  I thought I would get a plaque of some kind. Instead, I got Sesame Chicken, and an egg roll that I threw up three hours later because I brushed my tongue too hard before bed. It was my body's way of saying I should switch to foods I can gum.