80 Degrees...The Perfect Temp For Fleece PJ's

Ok. I know everyone was expecting lots of quotes from this weekend. Sorry that I didn't have more of them. The truth is that I recently had a talk with her. It's something that hits me close to home myself. I have a tendency to get anxiety over little things. Things that aren't worth worrying about. When I was young that was never the case. That was a learned behavior. Just like it probably was for my Mom as well. What I am grateful for is the new acknowledgement that perhaps it's not normal, and that she may need some assistance. Perhaps it's a quality of life issue. It makes me really happy. This weekend we laughed. In fact, we laughed so hard we cried. 

Why?

Because she was complaining that it was hot in my house. The temp had gone up to 78 degrees that day, and it was a bit slow to cool off inside the house. (it was about 73) I was reluctant to put on the air because the low for the night was supposed to be in the 30's. Why bother? Right? She was super hot though. Then, I realized she was sitting on my couch with fleece pj's on. I pointed that out and we had a good laugh. The best part was...that for "modesty" she had them on, and underneath the fleece pj's she had on a SECOND set of pj's! We really laughed for a long time. Then I put on the air conditioning anyways. The fact is, I want to make her happy even if she IS wearing fleece pj's in 80 degree weather.

I want my Mom to be happy. I want her to not make these drastic leaps to the sky is falling. Up until recently I just didn't say anything. I thought that was a kindness. Now, I know that by pointing out when things are a bit over the top, she's starting to see it too. I want the best for her, and fearing everything isn't going to help anyone. 

It's not to say that I don't find some of my Mom's quirks to be a bit outlandish. It's ludicrously funny. The beauty is that now, instead of getting irritated by it, I just think it's funny. The weird things we do in my family, like peel back the foil inside of a sour cream container and leave it attached for the duration of use. Our complete inability to properly load a dishwasher. (I totally know why I can't now) Those are the kinds of things that make us a family. When Charlie gets here, I have to know how to let go. People will say and do. I have decided that the laid back seat to it all is where I am going to copilot this course. This is a journey for everyone not just me. 

As I get closer to Motherhood I think some things are becoming a bit more apparent. When you daydream about pregnancy it's wonderful...I think back to when I would push my stomach out or put a pillow under my shirt to see what it would be like. I romanticized it...the beauty of the whole "make believe" was when I could take the pillow out of my shirt and still "bend over to the front an touch ya toez." (that was an excerpt from the wildly popular song "Yeah" by Usher) Now, I know that pregnancy is hard work. This last month I have found myself on the verge of tears because my hips hurt so bad. I want to grocery shop, and take walks, and I hold back tears when I try to sit down or stand up. 

The reality of pregnancy and of child rearing is starting to set in. There is a certain point that happened somewhere between finding out I was pregnant and crossing the threshold into stretchmark town where you just have to let go. There is a point at which I begin to hurt myself by placing expectations on pregnancy, motherhood, and what the entire journey entails. Sometimes you have to realize that the ride is way more fun when you just let go, close your eyes, and jump. Stumbling thru life has gotten me in some messes, but it's also gotten me to here. What I do know is that no matter what, Chad and I can do this. The details aren't important. 

At this point, I guess that I am going to focus on just being me and enjoying the ride. It's time to let go of it all. There's no reason to control any situation. 

My house isn't going to always be clean. 

The windex is under the kitchen sink. 

I'll be in the other room laughing with my kids.