Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Whole New Meaning to Vodka Straight Up

Normally I don't talk about current events.

I feel the need because I am beyond disturbed over this. 

Young adults are soaking TAMPONS in VODKA and inserting them into their bodies to get drunk faster and keep from smelling like booze.

W?
T?
F?

Seriously? I was bored as a teen. Sometimes REALLY bored. NEVER in my LIFE did it even cross my mind to take a tampon and use it in such a manner. Boys are doing it, girls are doing it. How freaking terrifying. Like, how does that come up as a logical conclusion....Hmmmmm.....I really like getting fall down drunk, but the 3 hours it's been taking me to get there seems too long. Clearly, I need to be making poor decisions, with lowered inhibitions, faster. 

Let's see... How can I cut out all that meaningless talking and laughing in between getting tipsy and schmasted falling down drunk? Who wants to BLACK OUT faster? Dude. I thought when I was in college and we were binge drinking that was the worst it could get. You know, bonging beers and keg stands. (which I could never do...but have no fear I just drank hard liquor instead I still made poor decisions)  Noooooooo I was sooooooo wrong. Obviously the logical conclusion is to stick the booze in your hoo haaa. 

That CAN'T feel good. That HAS to burn. I guess it hits your blood stream faster. 

If you are even considering this....there's a bigger problem than how long it is taking you to get drunk. 

Like your clear inability to make good choices in life. 

Or the fact that somehow you haven't died yet.

I am all for teaching my kids to drink responsibly. 

I am NOT going to teach my child how to insert a vodka tampon. 

This really has me buggin. I just said BUGGIN I am so freaked out by this information. 

When you go to the Doctor's office and they ask if you drink you can say socially, but usually I stick to inserting it vaginally. All that swallowing is just so passe.

So, I had to edit this....because PEOPLE HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THIS AND NOT TOLD ME. How was I not notified?!? I am actually kind of glad I didn't know about this sooner. I am obviously making good friend choices...You know friend choices that don't involve ASS SHOTS and helping people stick cotton soaked in booze up each other's asses.

But still. This is the kind of thing I should be kept in the loop about.


2 comments:

  1. Did you learn about from Law & Order: SVU via The Soup? Cause that's where I heard about this craziness. I like to get my current event news third hand.

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  2. Damnit Valli! YES! Hahahah! I was like WHAAAAAAAT?!? No way! Then, I HAD to google it. I run in sheltered circles apparently. One's that aren't into alcoholic ass play. When did DRINKING it become unacceptable?!? There's so much WROOOOOONG with this. It's time to quit if drinking it isn't good enough anymore.

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